The Root Cause of Most Problems
Many people think that the cause of most problems is communications. I respectfully disagree. I do believe that Communications has a key importance in resolving any problems as it opens the door to find reasonable solutions to most problems or issues. However, the cause of most problems, I believe, is one simple word:
RESPONSIBLE
In all its permutations as noun, adjective, plural and singular and even in the negative (i.e. irresponsible).
Be it a store employee, a bureaucrat, a professional, or in any organization and even in domestic affairs and relationships between individuals and groups, husband/wife Parent/child and so on. General Mac Arthur once described HELL as having ALL of the responsibility and none of the Authority.
How people deal with responsibility determines the chain of events that can have favorable or unfavorable outcomes.
In Karma it is getting what you give. In religious terms it is “you reap what you sow” in slang it is “what goes around comes around”. Basically being responsible has consequences, as does being irresponsible or even failing to take responsibility.
There are 3 actions in being responsible. Acting in a responsible manner, acting irresponsibly or just refusing to take responsibility for what is going on or what has happened.
Much of the problems we face in our lives stems from how we deal with responsibility. I have also writing a piece on how people deal with authority and responsibility from my graduate school days when the Group Process Theory Courses I was taken were very influential on me and gave me greater insight as to the dynamics of groups and how they work. A series of Courses that would have made Mac Arthur weep with joy for the insight it would have provided. But more on authority, the getting of it, the keeping of it, the using of it and the ramifications of it, later in another post. For now I hope to initiate a discussion on responsibility.
This is not a post on how to point a finger and BLAME people as being responsible for things. Yes we do that in our lives usually on a daily basis but this is more of a piece on taking responsibility for ones own actions and or failing to do so therein being irresponsible.
There are minor instances of being irresponsible that we have all experienced growing up. I parents tell us time and time again that certain actions or failures to act were irresponsible no our part. We are therefore taught about responsibility starting at an early age. Some have responsibly thrust upon them at an early age like one woman I know who was required to start cooking for her family at age 11. But she also took her responsibilities seriously by attending school despite those hardships thrust upon her. Something that can only be admired.
But accepting responsibility and being responsible at an early age does not equal being responsible as adults. Responsibility is an ongoing work in-progress. We all have responsibilities to ourselves and for ourselves, but this does not mean we are responsible in our interactions with others.
Responsibility is something that is taught, learned, demanded and expected whether it be doing homework on time or picking up your children on time or going to work on time ALL of us are required to act responsibly or to suffer consequences we do not like.
Failing to register your car is irresponsible behavior. Lying on an application is irresponsible. Doing what is right and not what is convenient is being responsible.
Being responsible is not easy. It takes work and integrity and can often have its own rewards and pains associated with our responsible actions. Usually the only satisfaction we get for being responsible is our own self worth (which is extremely important) but it is not often that others will acknowledge us for being responsible unless the act is extraordinary. More often people will look for where we have been irresponsible and try to diminish us as a result focusing on our flaws rather then our virtues. Such behavior can often be traced back to the insecurities of those others wanting to be better than those they are criticizing.
Where the biggest problem comes is when people act irresponsibility and or fail to accept responsibility for their own actions. Sometimes the guilt about having failed in ones responsibility is so great that a delusion occurs where the events are do distorted and not representative of the facts that it becomes a defense mechanism for self preservation.
How many times have each one of us failed to take responsibility for our own actions and blamed events on another person. Too many I would say. Many if not most of those times are harmless denials. It helps people cope with their world and guilt over what has happened. But sometimes those actions lead to greater consequences.
Take the person who was a drunk driver and killed someone because of driving drunk. To ease their guilt they blame the bar or place where they were drinking for serving them too much alcohol. They fail to take responsibility for their actions in the event. Such inability to accept responsibility for their own actions can create serve challenges for recovery later in life. No matter how much they publicly deny their responsibility or the events their actions will follow them and create other emotional issues for them later in life. Efforts to rehabilitate by community work or charity are just a token to help ease their consciousnesses from the guilt they feel and hide from the world. But no amount of good deeds can ever erase the guilty until the actual denial is dealt with and the person accepts and admits their irresponsible behavior and OWNS there part in it in a real and honest way. Creating more lies to justify actions fails to change the facts and the consequences only weigh on a person until things are set right.
Blaming someone else for your dropping a jar of pickles because the lid was not tight does not excuse you from pickling up that jar by the lid. It is especially not right if you also leave lids un-tightened. But these types of events that can eventually erode interpersonal relationships are overall inconsequential to day-to-day life and other more dramatic events that may have happened in a person’s life. It does however show a pattern of behavior that can affect individual relationship as well as organizational dynamics over time in a negative way.
Such a person can potential become so entwined with their denials that they lose touch with reality. While they may appear to function on a day-to-day basis they are in fact meltdowns waiting to happen.
When creating an organization or governmental bureaucracy one must consider the individual abilities of those employed to conduct themselves in a responsible manner. While having the Authority to do something is entirely different than responsibility it may be prudent to know that a person who is responsible will not summarily ignore others and will take exceptions to someone with the authority to make the decision (ergo to take responsibility) in the matter.
Every work group and organization has people who are like this. You can usually find them very easily. They are the ones who blame others for events in their lives or at work on others. The denials can be small or large. Sometimes people will completely avoid others who were around when events they wish to deny happened. A complete change in friends or location is not uncommon. It is easier not to have people who know what happened around to as to make the denial easier to deal with and plausible to the new people they sound themselves with.
Being responsible is not just an action. One can be responsible by not taking action. The same however can be said of those who do not take action. Sometimes doing nothing at all can be either responsible, or irresponsible, or strangely, both.
People who are thought to be acting responsibly but have a bad outcome are forgiven. Those who have let a bad thing happen or let a negative outcome who have not acted at all or are deemed to have acted irresponsibly are met with social disdain and sometimes even criminal charges for things like negligence (also true in Civil Tort Law). A persons’ motives are often the determining factor in determining if they will act responsibly or not.
Are there people who are TOO responsible? Yes. They are often people who have inferiority issues or a need for adulation or who have a sense of moral responsibility that drives them to be overly responsible extending their belief that it is there responsibility to help all who are in need even at risk of their own demise.
Then there is the person who is responsible because of commitments. That person does what is right despite the inconvenience or burden it puts upon them. What do we call a person like that? What ever it is I wish there were more people like that in this world. Those who live up to their commitments and take responsibility seriously and not abandon those responsibilities when it is difficult.
Instilling responsibility in your group or organization or even your family requires team building and a set of shared values. It requires trust between the members and a commitment to the goals and objectives of that group. There are many specialist in this world that can help your organization in building such an organization, but it first takes a person at the top with the authority to do so to make that group dynamic a positive place. And that means…. yes, you guessed it…. BEING RESPONSIBLE!
