Craig Eisele on …..

June 13, 2015

35 Signs You’re Dating A Boy, Not A Man

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mr. Craig @ 5:37 pm
The official beginning of adulthood has always been on a sliding scale. The process starts at 18, when you’re allowed to vote, die for your country and be tried as an adult, but I think most of us can agree that we still have a lot of growing up to do at that age. The next step is 21, and while in the “Mad Men” era that may have been the age when all men were expected to put childish things away, get married and be on their way to starting a career, that’s no longer the case. Hell, it’s arguable that being able to legally buy beer actually causes a step down in maturity for a lot of us.

I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. The uninterrupted path of school to marriage to family to career has led directly to the land of the mid-life crisis for previous generations. Nowadays, actual adulthood seems to begin around 30. We use our 20s to get all our partying and hookups out of our system — good for us.

The problem with this prolonged adolescence, however, is that some people forget that they eventually do have to take some responsibility for their lives and become a useful member of society. And since women tend to mature faster than men, it’s easy to understand the fairer sex’s frustrations about their dating options. By 30, family-oriented women are getting antsy about finding a guy to settle down with (The Self Imposed Biological Clock… tick-tock and all that), but a lot of the guys their age aren’t on the same page. Commitment and Loyalty  are extremely rare in this millennium.

So this one’s for the ladies, but the dudes should pay attention, too. What follows is a list of ways you can tell a man isn’t ready for the real world. But just because he may exhibit some, or even all, of these symptoms, it doesn’t mean he’s incapable of growing up. It just means he’s not there yet. Try giving him a kick in the ass before you kick him to the curb.

1. He Plays Games

I’m not talking about video games. As long as it’s not interfering with his life, let the guy play. No, I’m talking about the kind of games when he’s fucking with your mind. Basically, he hasn’t learned the difference between dating and being in a grown-up relationship. Call him out on it. Maybe he’ll stop.

2. He Only Cares About Himself

He has no interest in your hopes and dreams unless they revolve around him; he only cares that his needs are being met. An actual adult would have already figured out he’s not the center of the goddamn universe.

3. He Lives Only In The Moment

He’s learned nothing from the past and has no plans for the future. This can be an endearing quality, but it will get frustrating if you’re trying to plan a life with someone incapable of commitment.

4. He Lives With His Parents

Yeah, no shit, right? Still, when we’re drawn to people, we tend to make excuses for their faults. But this is the reddest of red flags. How can you expect to have an adult relationship with someone who’s never left the nest?

5. He Expects You To Be His Mom

If he thinks being in a relationship means he never has to cook, do his laundry or clean up after himself (or needs you to at least remind him to do those things), you’re in pretty warped territory. Let him know you’re more than a maid he gets to bang.

6. He Fades Into The Background When He’s Out Of His Element

Even though he’s the life of the party when he’s around his buddies, he clams up at work functions or “adult” dinner parties. He either feels inferior or he’s uninterested in expanding his social circle. Either way, he’s got a lot of growing up to do.

7. He’s Selfish In Bed

He thinks sex is only about getting him off. Whether he’s skipping the foreplay or racing to the finish line, he hasn’t learned that relationship sex is about teamwork.

8. He Doesn’t Remember Any Plans He Doesn’t Make Himself

Guys don’t always like having to go to your sorority sister’s wedding or your family reunion, but if you’ve told him about it, he should have marked his calendar. If he acts surprised when the day arrives, this is a sign that he doesn’t respect you, which is a major symptom of immaturity.

9. He Can’t Hold Down A Job

I’m not saying he has to have his whole career planned out, but if he blows off work when he doesn’t feel like going, quits or gets fired because he’s too lazy or the job is too boring, this guy still doesn’t know life isn’t always about doing whatever he wants to do all the time.

10. He Doesn’t Stand Up For You

If he doesn’t have your back when you get into a confrontation (even if he doesn’t agree with you), he either doesn’t give a shit about you or he’s a coward. Either way, he’s not a man.

11. He Never Takes Blame

Nothing’s ever his fault, is it? A man doesn’t worry about who’s at fault — it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing productive about assigning or arguing about blame. If something’s wrong, just fix it.

12. He Tries To “Win” Arguments With You

It’s been said many times that arguing in relationships is a good thing — it proves you’re both invested. But arguments are about finding middle ground, not about coming out on top. And a grown-up man knows there’s no way to win an argument with a woman, anyway.

13. He Doesn’t Take Care Of You

And I don’t mean financially. You’re an independent, 21st-century woman — you don’t need a man to pay your bills. But if he’s not bringing you chicken soup when you’re sick or giving you rides when your car’s in the shop, this is not a guy you can depend on.

14. He’s Passive-Aggressive

Instead of being upfront and honest with you when you’ve pissed him off or hurt his feelings, he just shuts down or finds subtle ways to make your life difficult. Screw that guy. He’s a big baby.

15. He Worries Too Much About What Other People Think

A man doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him as long as he believes in what he’s doing. Confidence (not arrogance) comes with maturity.

16. He’s Rebellious For No Reason

No one wants to be a full-on conformist, but we are living in a society, here. If this guy intentionally does the opposite of what’s expected from him just for the sake of being contrarian, that’s a sign of insecurity, immaturity or douche-baggery.

17. He’s Not Assertive

Speaking of confidence, a grown-up man isn’t afraid to go after what he wants. If this guy can’t manage to get a drink at a crowded bar or he’s too timid to tell you he likes a finger up his ass during sex, he’s never going to amount to anything.

18. He Refuses To Compromise

This guy has an unrealistic and outdated idea of what it means to be a man. He thinks that unless everything is done on his terms, he’ll be perceived as weak-willed. Grown-ups know life is full of compromises.

19. He Can’t Fix Anything

Maybe it’s an old gender role, but men are expected to be reasonably handy. He needs to know how to change a tire, mount a towel rack or at the very least, put together an IKEA bookshelf without bursting into tears.

20. He Gets Wasted Too Often

I’m all for going out and getting blasted every once in a while, but after college, it shouldn’t be the whole point of every night out. Cleaning up his puke and dealing with his morning-after hangovers is going to get old fast.

21. He Gives Up Too Easily

The older you get, the harder things become to accomplish. If he throws in the towel every time he meets a little bit of resistance, he’s still too wet behind the ears.

22. He Goes MIA

In today’s world, there are very few reasons to be completely unreachable for any length of time. If he can’t send you a simple text just to let you know he’s not dead or in jail, odds are he’s fucking with your head.

23. He Refuses To Make A Decision

When you ask a guy where he wants to go for dinner and he says something like, “I don’t care,” or “Wherever you want,” it’s usually true. But the difference between a man and a boy is that the man knows you hate that kind of shit and makes a suggestion anyway.

24. He’s A Dick

If this guy is rude to waiters or won’t play nice with your friends, he’s either playing the bad boy or he really is one. And while women are sometimes attracted to bad boys, they’re almost never attracted to bad men. How he treats others is ultimately how he will treat you.

25. He Can’t Handle Conflict

Running away from or avoiding problems is one of the most childish things a guy can do. A man deals with shit, even if it means getting punched in the face by some douche at the bar or getting screamed at by your girlfriend. Passive aggressive its the worst. when problems are not discussed they only fester to the point that the entire relationship is a disaster because communications failed to happen. Children have temper tantrums adults deal with issues as they arise and find a compromise or workable solution.

26. He Intentionally Makes You Jealous

This is another sign of insecurity, which isn’t the most masculine of qualities. For whatever reason, he wants you to believe he has other options besides you and he makes sure you know about them. A little bit of jealousy is like salt….. a little can enhance the meal but in excess it becomes inedible.Chances are he is trying to control you by making you jealous.

27. He Won’t Open Up To You

Some guys can be kind of emotionally closed off, and that shouldn’t be such a big deal. But if he flat-out refuses to open up to you about anything, it means he’s afraid of getting hurt, which makes him a pussy.

28. Sex Is His Solution To Any Problem

Make-up sex is awesome, but it only really counts if the issue is resolved beforehand. Otherwise it’s just a distraction that temporarily tables the problem and allows it to get worse. Eventually one party or the other is going to feel used or worse abused.

29. He’s Not Interested In Self-Improvement

And I don’t mean self-help. I’m talking about learning new skills, becoming more invested in current affairs, reading more… that sort of thing. If he thought he was finished gaining any kind of knowledge when he graduated from school, he’s still got a lot to learn.

30. He Manipulates You

Knowing how to manipulate people into doing what you want is actually a pretty good skill to have. But using it in a relationship is pretty rotten. eliciting guilt is the actions of a child not a man and should be a deal breaker.

31. He’s Not Willing To Get His Hands Dirty

Sometimes a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, and that isn’t always pretty. If this guy won’t break any eggs, you’re never going to get an omelet out of him. Cleaning and straightening a house is for both parties. Otherwise you are in line to be his mother not his lover. It is a partnership not a master/slave B/D affair.

32. He’s Not Reliable

This one’s just common sense. If you can’t count on him to be there when you need him, he’s no kind of man you want in your life. Apply the three strikes rule here.

33. The Thing He Likes Most About You Is Your Looks

Obviously, physical attraction is important, but if you’ve been together awhile and your hotness is still your number one draw, this is a relationship with little hope for success. A man needs to connect with his partner on numerous levels. A boy just wants to bang a hot chick. A Man will appreciate your beauty but will understand that without an intellect of some kind then there is nothing to build on. To be quite blunt “Physical Beauty” fades while intellect can and should continue to evolve.

34. He’s Constantly Testing You

This is another annoying thing that immature guys do. Instead of just telling you what he wants and expects out of a relationship, he contrives situations to try and find out for himself. But these tests are stacked in his favor and you can “fail” them without even knowing you were being tested in the first place.

35. He’s An Anchor

Some guys just latch onto you and drag you down. If you’re not living up to your potential and he’s the reason why, cut the rope and sail off on your own. If he is not the wind beneath your wings or the breeze that fills your sails, then you are doomed to settling for something that is at best temporary

 

June 7, 2015

How to Know if You’re Dating a Girl or a Woman

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mr. Craig @ 1:46 am

Here are 11 Differences Between How Girls Behave and Women Behave

Recently, I read a post on “The 11 Difference Between Dating a Boy vs a Man“. The post can have the genders swapped and most points would still apply. However, we can’t deny that there are some fundamental differences between men and women – from how we are socialized to the chemical and hormonal differences that naturally occur. Thus, I thought it appropriate to follow up with a post on the difference between dating a girl, vs a woman. Again, many points on this post would apply if you switched the genders around.

A boy is attracted to girls. A man is attracted to women. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. Also, this isn’t to say that a woman won’t ever have “girlish” or immature tendencies or vice versa. This post refers to one’s maturity and most points would also apply if you switch the genders as well.

If you are a boy, then expect that you will attract only girls. However, if you are a man (independent, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a woman. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

1. A girl throws tantrums. When displeased, upset or angry, she reacts just as she did as a child when she didn’t get her way with her parents. This often consists of screaming, pouting, giving the silent treatment, being passive aggressive and/or punishing. A woman still feels the emotions of being upset/displeased, but has cultivated the skill of responding vs reacting. She comes to the table as an adult, and communicates clearly what is bothering her.

2. A girl perceives herself as a princess and believes people should treat her like so. She is entitled and feels that she is owed and therefore expects more than she appreciates. A woman, has standards (what she holds herself to) not expectations (what she projects on to others).

3. A girl uses her physical beauty as her currency and basis of value. A girl may be so used to feeling validated through her looks and sexuality, that she uses this as her primary tool to get what she wants in life. A woman, knows her worth is beyond her physicality. A woman bases her value on her intelligence, her strength, her integrity, her values, her contributions, her humanity.

4. A girl banks on a man to be her financial strategy. A woman plans to be financially independent – she banks on… herself. And if she so happens to enter a relationship dynamic where it makes sense for her partner to be the primary breadwinner, it’s considered a bonus, not the expected life line.

5. A girl sees the world from a place of lack and scarcity. She competes and will even tear down another in order to secure resources or a mate. A woman helps other women. She knows that there’s plenty enough to go around and takes the high road of integrity to get what she wants.

6. A girl cannot be bothered with anything domestic and is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. A woman understands that being domestic is not a duty, but understands that it is one way of taking care of herself and others. She also understands that in the event she wants to create a family, having a person in the household who can contribute domestically is important.

7. “A girl wants attention, a woman wants respect. A girl wants to be adored by many. A woman wants to be adored by one.” -anonymous

8. A girl does not respect her body.  She has not yet understood that her body and heart are sacred, and that it’s important to be mindful of how she treats it and who she shares it with. “A girl cherishes handbags, diamonds and her shoe collection as her prize possessions. A woman cherishes her health, her sense of self, and her talents as her greatest assets.” – N. Mah

9. A woman takes the time to reflect on the type of human she wants to be, the example she wants to leave and the vision for her life. She has put thought into her values and what she stands for. A girl has not established her moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. “After spending time with a girl, you feel exhausted because she takes more than she gives. After spending time with a woman, you feel invigorated, because she empowers you with possibility, and a passion for life.” – N. Mah

10. A girl has a checklist that prioritizes superficial qualities above anything else. Here is an example of how this checklist may look: Hot, popular, wears skinny jeans, over 6 feet tall, rich.. This is the checklist of what a woman may look for: High integrity, intelligent, kind, good communicator, emotionally available…

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a mature woman, or someone with an immature mindset. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A girl plays games. A woman doesn’t.

Bonus: A woman will engage you in substantive discourse. A Girl will talk about superficial things. A women enjoys the company of a man as equals. A girl has a difficult time having adult conversations with a man and prefers boys to play with in insignificant ways . 

June 6, 2015

I Am So Much More Than A Unicorn

Unicorn ponies

This is an odd title I have used for many people, but I was perplexed when a woman once said that her “Unicorn” was a man who is “good in bed and loyal”. Seems pretty weak requirements for a Unicorn to me. But let me explain.  (Note: the beginning paragraphs may seem a but clinical at first but it gets better) 

Some men (actually many men), think being good in bed is a matter of technique or worse lasting a long, long time. this is simply NOT correct. Agreed that lasting more than 5 minutes is important, but how long is a matter of debate. Men seem to ignore that women can not create lubrication for hours on end.

Additionally vaginal orgasms are less common than most men imagine or want to believe. The sensation of being filled or penetrated is pleasurable for most women but most orgasms are clitoral and not vaginal. As to that there is a “depth ” to a woman’s vaginal canal that is a man goes to far will end up bruising her cervix, thus making “Length” a non factor after so many “Inches” Many women also would prefer more girth to more length. In reality is everyone must deal with the size they have which is most likely sufficient for the purposes at hand.

What is often left out is that most women enjoy the best orgasms  via Oral and Digitally (meaning fingers) stimulation of the outer portion of the vagina and the clitoris. This is probably the area that “Technique” matters the most. But that “technique”  is individual to each and every woman who will respond differently.  The most important thing is to be aware of the response you get from the woman you are with and know what is making it better for her.. and to vary the pace and rhythm accordingly….. meaning, don’t spend 15 minutes only on the clitoris as it will eventually case discomfort or even pain.

Most women are not comfortable in the beginning in telling you what to do to make them happy this way. You need to be aware not only of verbal cues (such as a moan or a gasps) but in facial cues and body movements as even the grabbing of sheets or your head or ears etc. Maybe she won’t verbally guide you but she will respond in such ways that you will be able to tailor your “technique” to her unique body responses.  

Note: during Oral sex it is a good idea to not forget the perineum which is the piece of skin between the anus and the genitals. it is very sensitive and stimulated can bake a more enjoyable encounter. (The surface between the vaginal orifice and the anus is called the perineum)

Penetration is not taboo.. it is good… but also remember EVERY woman is built slightly differently down there. Some have a higher vagina where the clitoris is closer to the pubic bone and some have a lower one under their torso. Depending on where hers is, can also give you a good indication if missionary or doggy is a better position… attempting to make clitoral contact during intercourse increases the changes of an orgasm during this time and sometimes scissoring can be more effective on making that contact.

There are other non vaginal areas that can also produce an orgasm in a woman. Sometimes nipple stimulation or neck (just do not leave a Hickey) and the area between the vagina and the thigh can also be stimulated to produce orgasms. As I have said EVERY WOMAN IF DIFFERENT, so the more time you spend exploring her body the more you will learn and the better lover you will be for her. Every woman has different erogenous zones on her body…. I will not get into them as some are taboo for some people,  but they all need to be explored over time…  NEVER force them each woman will and will respond to different men and their abilities or “technique”, even on separate occasions. Consider her body the undiscovered territory that needs to be explored each time you can spend that time together …. you will both be rewarded for it in the long run. 

The real key is the exploration of her body. slow and gently, playful and intense. Various stimulation to the same places can produce different results. Take your time. Find your way around her body…  she may even be surprised at what you do that turns her on even more…. but it is not automatic…. it takes time and effort, but that effort can be very pleasurable for both of you if you allow it to develop over time… Intimacy only gets better as trust is built. 

It is not difficult to be a good lover in bed IF you pay attention to her responses and what is making her happy. If this is what makes a Unicorn, then every real man should be a Unicorn at lest in this area. 

NEXT… Loyalty. This is a 50/50 deal. Too often women chose the wrong man.. or should I say BOY… If you are interested in a player then know he is not going to be Loyal. He cannot be satisfied with one woman .. and that is usually because he lacks self-confidence.. even if he exudes it to others inside he is usually insecure and needs the conquest to feel like a successful man. Thinking you can change him.. or you are the answer to his needs is just plain foolish. Don;t comp[lain about him hooking up with someone else if you already knew his reputation. The story of the snake who bit the woman who saved him is classic.. as she was dying she asked the snake why he bit her and the snake replied ” But you know I was a Sake when yo took me in.” 

The problem is woman don’t think the guy who is interested in her is good enough if he does not have certain Physical or other so-called “Qualities” that have nothing to do with a  man who can provide a real and serious relationship where she is the most important to him and that can bring true happiness. I get tired of woman who ignore the good guys because they are to old , too shot, too tall, too skinny, too fat, Not the right “race” or religion, not hipster enough or lack fame or notoriety or a dozen more things that are usually indicative of a BOY who will never be Loyal.  Until you are a woman who deserves a man you will always choose BOYS who will hurt you. Of course you wont get that second date if you went for the wrong guy in the first place. 

Loyalty is the quality of a MAN.. so if you are not finding it in your “Unicorn” then you are not picking MEN you are confused by boys. 

For you men: I know the saying.. you want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets” If this seems to be your version of a Unicorn..  Then you have it WRONG!  

Those who love the physical beauty of a woman does not deserve that woman unless they actually ask her to spend a week with no makeup and grungy clothes and no sex. If you are a woman who is reading this you understand what I mean. When those false eyelashes come off, the blemishes on your skin are apparent without makeup, where jewelry and sexy clothes and great kicks are not there the only think left is your bear soul.. your personality, your thoughts ideas and the two of you to know each other as  human beings and not physical exteriors.

When this barrier is crossed it will either end the intrigue or will build an intimacy between that man and woman that becomes real .. Mutual Respect and LOYALTY then has a basis to build upon and if the minds have entwined then there is less of a chance to lose each other than if only superficial bodies entwine. the foundation of a real relationship can then be used to build something real and significant. 

Women need to be appreciated. not for anything in particular as each woman brings something different to the table.. Some can cook.. some cant and wont. Some love fashion and the rare ones can dress to the nines and later get their grunge on to do yard work or pain the house/apartment. Lady in the streets is more of an attitude than of appearance. Manners, etiquette and the level of intelligence should never be ignored but varying degrees of these can find an emphasis or a lack of communal values that may be deal breakers, Hence that 1 week of only yourselves is a key ingredient to finding that ability to bond or not.  do NOT force it. if it is there you will know if not your doubt should be a clear indication that you are not meant to be together not matter how much your hormones want to be. remember you are no longer children playing you are looking for something substantial and real. Passion can develop and last longer than temporary sexual urges can be satisfied. When sex is over then what do you do together? . 

Supporting your woman (and that can or cannot be financially) in her goals and desires for her future is critical for HER happiness. While your goals can be different in some areas the level of support can never be diminished, IF you desire a “relationship”.  You will disagree, have various dissimilar opinions, but as long as there is mutual respect and an understanding that reasonable people can agree to disagree.. then you have the necessary ingredients for a mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship. Adults grow together children “smash it” for a while.

A true Unicorn is a gentleman, and a sexual partner that is responsive to YOUR individual need for sexual fulfillment and can tap into more than you ever knew you had, can make you feel like a woman anywhere and everywhere even on the toilet, can make you feel that you can talk about any thing and everything without fear of reprisal or disdain or being told your too emotional or must be on your menstrual cycle, can stimulate your mind and your spirit and who you know will be there when you fall to help you up and put you back on track that you want to pursue not on his version of where he thinks you should go. Someone who has patience and understanding and compassion and integrity who would walk away from you if it was best for you even if it would devastate him.  Self Sacrificing, and commit ed to your happiness… because he knows you are worth of that and so much more … an ultimately you will also feel the same for him and do the same for him one day because he gave to you everything to provide for your happiness. … A MAN who is truly a man inside and who is not tempted by the next pretty girl who comes by and knows you inside out and wants the entirety of you.

I am not speaking philosophically here. I have lived this life on both sides. I was a BOY for so long and when I became a MAN it was by my own actions. When my own family did not respect my wife, I chose my wife, because that is the way it should be (my father said that his wife was his wife for the rest of his life and that children leave the home) , When I see these reality shows when boys pretend to be men in their relationships expect their wives to be subjugated to their mother.. I do not understand how any woman could accept that. 

I went thought the “baptism” by fire in learning what I now understand to be what a real relationship should be… 2 people who SHARE a life and each living their own dreams for their future goals and yet able to support each other in their daily lives.

I find it ironic in some ways that I know so much now about life, love sex and relationships, but I am often dismissed or scoffed at because of other factors unrelated to what it takes to be that Unicorn women claim to look for. Experience and a level of maturity that makes for a relationship should be more important to physical characteristics of the MAN just as woman want to be judged by more than their bodies I also wish to be accepted for the man I am with my successes and failures and scars from learning out in the open and easy to see. 

Many people sleep walk though life. I have refused to do so. I have never stopped learning. Yet there are things I am behind on.. things that only fresh eyes and someone with new-found knowledge can share with me.

I bring the patience experience knowledge and understanding of a complicated world into any relationship. I know what it takes to make a commitment and make it work, what it is to support someone in their goals and desires while sharing a life together and what compromise is and most importantly not afraid of admitting I make mistakes and the wisdom to understand that when we cannot solve the problem we are facing that we are facing the wrong problem and working together to redefine that problem so we can find a solution that works for us both….  

I return I have long sought a WOMAN who is transitioning from girl to Woman  or who has crossed that threshold, one who has goals, desires, hopes ambitions, who has a social conscience, who understand or wants to understand the global society we live in, who is not a homebody but wants the adventure of life and what travel can bring into her own being and who is not satisfied in what she is but wants to be more and grow in her life.

A woman who not just wants a Unicorn in her life but who truly understands that a Unicorn is so much more than “good” in bed and loyal but is someone who supports he and enriches her life .

One day I hope that I will meet that woman. But I am not sure that she exists. That woman without the biases that so many woman carry … the false boundaries they establish as to what they say they want as to what they really want n their future. One day a woman will see my Unicorn value and will revel in what I bring. 

I have loved deeply in my life and I have lost much. But I have never stopped living or hoping or trying to be more than what I am today each and every day. It is only because of my past that I am what I am today and are the keys to a better tomorrow! Because I have lived so much means there is more to share than most people in the world could ever imagine. Of this I am sure! 

Post Note for Men:

Girls often spray some scent directly on them. A woman will choose a perfume as opposed to “Toilet Water” and will dab a bit on her writs and then rub both writs together and slightly up the inside of the forearm. She will then apply a very small about to her neck where it meets her shoulder and also the behind her lower earlobe. This is a very, very SMALL quantity. If she wished to be more intoxicating she will often have a “mister” and while in the bathroom will spray a light mist (a small amount) into the air in front of her and walk into that mist. It is acceptable and polite to compliment her on the perfume/scent she has used. Again, as in sex, a every woman’s chemistry will alter the scent of her perfume so indicating that it is delightful in some  way on her will make her feel more special . 

A Man who uses a GOOD cologne (AS with perfume it is more “oil” ) rubs a “small” amount into his hand and rubs his beard area and jaw line and then wipes off the remainder in the middle of his upper chest to get the minuscule excess moisture off his hands. The key is NOT to overpower but to have a subtle scent and the chest area can produce a little perspiration that will enhance the cologne at the right time. His nails need to be short (ask any woman why” clean, and filed with no “rough edges” and a bit of hand lotion to assure a smooth surface when touching or holding a woman. Scaly calluses can snag on certain fabrics and that is not good. and a fresh CLEAN and neat handkerchief is always a welcome article to have if your lady needs to dab at her eyes for whatever reason that they be .. shall we say  “watering”(My father told me this was one of the true signs of a gentleman.. he was right) 

I found your Unicorn

“Dating” When It Was Simpler And Meant Something Real ~ Nostalgia

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mr. Craig @ 1:58 am

11 Old Fashioned Dating Habits I would like To See In-Vogue  Again

  • 1. Coming to the door to pick someone up.
  • 2. Trying to dress really nicely for a date.
  • 3. Bringing flowers or other tokens of affection to the first date and random times
  • 4. Going dancing that’s not grinding on a grimy club floor.
  • 5. Straightforwardly asking someone out and not calling it “hanging out.”
  • 6. Additionally, being clear about when you’re “going steady.” or are an “Item” 
  • 7. Romantic gestures like writing (like HAND writing) poems. (NOT Texting) 
  • 8. Turning electronics off and just being with one another.
  • 9. The general concept of asking permission for things.
  • 10. Not assuming sex is to be had at any point in time.
  • 11. Chivalry .. it really is NOT dead if you don’t want it to be. 
  • tempt her mind and make her body wait

 

  • Or to put it in more contemporary terms: 
  • If you kiss her mind her body will follow

I prefer the unusual approach to having a relationship with a woman.. which means I prefer to really KNOW a person inside before I explore the outside. 

  • Sex and realtionships

There is NOTHING wrong with being Old Fashioned in matters of true intimacy. A woman worth having is also worth taking your time to know before you jump into other activities. This is not complicated… It is a matter of romancing the one you want to be with.. and making them your focus it creates the beginning of trust and appreciation fore each other that few people anymore know how to accomplish. If you really don’t know what this is and really want to understand, watch “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”  it will at least give you an into to this true “Romance” ideals basics. 

April 17, 2015

Recognizing Differences Between Dating A “BOY” Vs A “MAN”

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mr. Craig @ 9:55 pm

Know the Difference Between Dating a BOY Vs. A MAN

Written by a woman. Annotated by a man with Initials  JRL and commented on by me in blue with my Initials CSE

When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents.

Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness.

Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  – Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage.

Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. 

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys.

However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man.

And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. (He knows the difference between being persistent and being a pest ~ CSE)  

1. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive. 

(Do not confuse Assertive with Dominant, Assertiveness means he is not afraid to vocalize what he wants, yet is willing to compromise for the mutual benefit of the partnership ~ CSE)

2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life) or another purpose or passion.  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.  

JRL: Many mature men still don’t know what they want. But a mature man takes responsibility for that (here, let’s define maturity as the ability to express love – and love as the ability to sacrifice unselfishly). He does what he must to provide for himself and his family. He might not have himself or his life figured out, but he knows he must be mature if he chooses to be a provider and the kind of leader others can depend on. Becoming mature is a choice, not a by-product. (From a mans perspective the “Ideal” is never a “Reality” A mature man knows this and prioritizes the things he thinks he wants and ultimately finds the things he “needs” to live and grow as partners ~ CSE)

 

3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting. (A man wants to be able to have serious discussion about current events and the impact they may have (good or bad) upon the partnership ~ CSE) 

4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.  (He will understand the difference between being Persistent and Being a pest) 

JRL: A mature man is seeking a partner who will be an appropriate and compatible life-long partner. Will she be a good wife for me and a good mother to our children? Will she be a person of love? The question is not, “Am I good enough for her?” or “Is she good enough for me?” Rather, the question should be, “Will we love each other and are we a good fit?” He understands that they’ll “be in this together,” for the rest of their lives. He better be ready to put her desires and needs above his own. And vice-versa. This is what’s required from both partners if a marriage is to be healthy and successful. When we couples decide to get married only because we see it as the next step after a period of dating or because “we’re in love,” I believe we’re setting ourselves up for problems. ( My Question now becomes could it be better sometimes where a marriage or long-term relationship of convenience, mutual respect and mutually beneficial  between 2 mature individuals could be better than 2 immature or naive people getting married ~ CSE

5.  A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.

 

6.  A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.

(Investing is a commitment of not just time but energy and maybe even financial IF it is in her future plans and goals for self fulfillment. This must be differentiated from other material things that have no consequence to supporting the advancement of self fulfilment or career and life achievement goals. If he believed in her potential as a human being he will strive to help her achieve her goals without strings or expectations. ~ CSE) 

JRL: A mature man understands the importance of honesty, openness, and clear communication. This is the only way both partners can find satisfaction in a relationship. A boy isn’t ready for such a relationship. He’s still playing. Does this mean he’s a bad person? No. It’s just that he’s still a kid. He’s still learning. (Unfortunately in my observations most of these “boys” today never really mature to where they should be and a good deal of that is because women let them get away with it. At what Point do you say a boy is a boy and cannot change.. at 25, 30, 35??  ~ CSE)

7.  A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is still getting drunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.

JRL: A mature man has the experience to understand that a rhythm of work and play is necessary. Work hard but we need to take some days away to “sharpen the axe.” No one who loves the work they do, and sees their own financial success, enjoys taking time off. But it’s necessary to stay balanced. As for the boy, he’ll be more interested in punching the clock and looking forward to the weekend. Long-term planning isn’t a top priority. (As in Team Building in a workplace a Man/Woman Partnership needs the same type of activities but there also needs to be mutual support in each partner’s personal pursuits of outside or work activities without the “Guilt” many try to put on each other to get what they want ~ CSE)

 

8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent. (A Man often has a well defined sense of responsibility, knows how to make a commitment and to live up to these commitments. ~CSE)

 

9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.  (A man can own up to his mistakes regardless of consequences. ~ CSE)

 

10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up. Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy.

However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this

 

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.  *To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games. All other types of Games are up to your personal discretion 

JRL: As I’ve grown older, some things have proven true to me over and over through observations and experience. If you want a man to become mature, he must be given responsibilities and he must learn to love. This requires life experience, but most importantly, it takes the boy willing to decide to become mature. (Or a Woman Willing to Let Him Go before it is too late ~ CSE)

Post Note: I am not sure who to give credit to for this article I first found it on http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

Then again  with a credit to Ms. Chan and the Italicized sections were found at this site: http://jamesrussell.org/blog/blog/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man

and then again by Rachael Wright on http://hiit-blog.dailyhiit.com/hiit-life/women/11-differences-dating-boy-vs-man/

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