This is an odd title I have used for many people, but I was perplexed when a woman once said that her “Unicorn” was a man who is “good in bed and loyal”. Seems pretty weak requirements for a Unicorn to me. But let me explain. (Note: the beginning paragraphs may seem a but clinical at first but it gets better)
Some men (actually many men), think being good in bed is a matter of technique or worse lasting a long, long time. this is simply NOT correct. Agreed that lasting more than 5 minutes is important, but how long is a matter of debate. Men seem to ignore that women can not create lubrication for hours on end.
Additionally vaginal orgasms are less common than most men imagine or want to believe. The sensation of being filled or penetrated is pleasurable for most women but most orgasms are clitoral and not vaginal. As to that there is a “depth ” to a woman’s vaginal canal that is a man goes to far will end up bruising her cervix, thus making “Length” a non factor after so many “Inches” Many women also would prefer more girth to more length. In reality is everyone must deal with the size they have which is most likely sufficient for the purposes at hand.
What is often left out is that most women enjoy the best orgasms via Oral and Digitally (meaning fingers) stimulation of the outer portion of the vagina and the clitoris. This is probably the area that “Technique” matters the most. But that “technique” is individual to each and every woman who will respond differently. The most important thing is to be aware of the response you get from the woman you are with and know what is making it better for her.. and to vary the pace and rhythm accordingly….. meaning, don’t spend 15 minutes only on the clitoris as it will eventually case discomfort or even pain.
Most women are not comfortable in the beginning in telling you what to do to make them happy this way. You need to be aware not only of verbal cues (such as a moan or a gasps) but in facial cues and body movements as even the grabbing of sheets or your head or ears etc. Maybe she won’t verbally guide you but she will respond in such ways that you will be able to tailor your “technique” to her unique body responses.
Note: during Oral sex it is a good idea to not forget the perineum which is the piece of skin between the anus and the genitals. it is very sensitive and stimulated can bake a more enjoyable encounter. (The surface between the vaginal orifice and the anus is called the perineum)
Penetration is not taboo.. it is good… but also remember EVERY woman is built slightly differently down there. Some have a higher vagina where the clitoris is closer to the pubic bone and some have a lower one under their torso. Depending on where hers is, can also give you a good indication if missionary or doggy is a better position… attempting to make clitoral contact during intercourse increases the changes of an orgasm during this time and sometimes scissoring can be more effective on making that contact.
There are other non vaginal areas that can also produce an orgasm in a woman. Sometimes nipple stimulation or neck (just do not leave a Hickey) and the area between the vagina and the thigh can also be stimulated to produce orgasms. As I have said EVERY WOMAN IF DIFFERENT, so the more time you spend exploring her body the more you will learn and the better lover you will be for her. Every woman has different erogenous zones on her body…. I will not get into them as some are taboo for some people, but they all need to be explored over time… NEVER force them each woman will and will respond to different men and their abilities or “technique”, even on separate occasions. Consider her body the undiscovered territory that needs to be explored each time you can spend that time together …. you will both be rewarded for it in the long run.
The real key is the exploration of her body. slow and gently, playful and intense. Various stimulation to the same places can produce different results. Take your time. Find your way around her body… she may even be surprised at what you do that turns her on even more…. but it is not automatic…. it takes time and effort, but that effort can be very pleasurable for both of you if you allow it to develop over time… Intimacy only gets better as trust is built.
It is not difficult to be a good lover in bed IF you pay attention to her responses and what is making her happy. If this is what makes a Unicorn, then every real man should be a Unicorn at lest in this area.
NEXT… Loyalty. This is a 50/50 deal. Too often women chose the wrong man.. or should I say BOY… If you are interested in a player then know he is not going to be Loyal. He cannot be satisfied with one woman .. and that is usually because he lacks self-confidence.. even if he exudes it to others inside he is usually insecure and needs the conquest to feel like a successful man. Thinking you can change him.. or you are the answer to his needs is just plain foolish. Don;t comp[lain about him hooking up with someone else if you already knew his reputation. The story of the snake who bit the woman who saved him is classic.. as she was dying she asked the snake why he bit her and the snake replied ” But you know I was a Sake when yo took me in.”
The problem is woman don’t think the guy who is interested in her is good enough if he does not have certain Physical or other so-called “Qualities” that have nothing to do with a man who can provide a real and serious relationship where she is the most important to him and that can bring true happiness. I get tired of woman who ignore the good guys because they are to old , too shot, too tall, too skinny, too fat, Not the right “race” or religion, not hipster enough or lack fame or notoriety or a dozen more things that are usually indicative of a BOY who will never be Loyal. Until you are a woman who deserves a man you will always choose BOYS who will hurt you. Of course you wont get that second date if you went for the wrong guy in the first place.
Loyalty is the quality of a MAN.. so if you are not finding it in your “Unicorn” then you are not picking MEN you are confused by boys.
For you men: I know the saying.. you want a “lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets” If this seems to be your version of a Unicorn.. Then you have it WRONG!
Those who love the physical beauty of a woman does not deserve that woman unless they actually ask her to spend a week with no makeup and grungy clothes and no sex. If you are a woman who is reading this you understand what I mean. When those false eyelashes come off, the blemishes on your skin are apparent without makeup, where jewelry and sexy clothes and great kicks are not there the only think left is your bear soul.. your personality, your thoughts ideas and the two of you to know each other as human beings and not physical exteriors.
When this barrier is crossed it will either end the intrigue or will build an intimacy between that man and woman that becomes real .. Mutual Respect and LOYALTY then has a basis to build upon and if the minds have entwined then there is less of a chance to lose each other than if only superficial bodies entwine. the foundation of a real relationship can then be used to build something real and significant.
Women need to be appreciated. not for anything in particular as each woman brings something different to the table.. Some can cook.. some cant and wont. Some love fashion and the rare ones can dress to the nines and later get their grunge on to do yard work or pain the house/apartment. Lady in the streets is more of an attitude than of appearance. Manners, etiquette and the level of intelligence should never be ignored but varying degrees of these can find an emphasis or a lack of communal values that may be deal breakers, Hence that 1 week of only yourselves is a key ingredient to finding that ability to bond or not. do NOT force it. if it is there you will know if not your doubt should be a clear indication that you are not meant to be together not matter how much your hormones want to be. remember you are no longer children playing you are looking for something substantial and real. Passion can develop and last longer than temporary sexual urges can be satisfied. When sex is over then what do you do together? .
Supporting your woman (and that can or cannot be financially) in her goals and desires for her future is critical for HER happiness. While your goals can be different in some areas the level of support can never be diminished, IF you desire a “relationship”. You will disagree, have various dissimilar opinions, but as long as there is mutual respect and an understanding that reasonable people can agree to disagree.. then you have the necessary ingredients for a mutually beneficial and satisfying relationship. Adults grow together children “smash it” for a while.
A true Unicorn is a gentleman, and a sexual partner that is responsive to YOUR individual need for sexual fulfillment and can tap into more than you ever knew you had, can make you feel like a woman anywhere and everywhere even on the toilet, can make you feel that you can talk about any thing and everything without fear of reprisal or disdain or being told your too emotional or must be on your menstrual cycle, can stimulate your mind and your spirit and who you know will be there when you fall to help you up and put you back on track that you want to pursue not on his version of where he thinks you should go. Someone who has patience and understanding and compassion and integrity who would walk away from you if it was best for you even if it would devastate him. Self Sacrificing, and commit ed to your happiness… because he knows you are worth of that and so much more … an ultimately you will also feel the same for him and do the same for him one day because he gave to you everything to provide for your happiness. … A MAN who is truly a man inside and who is not tempted by the next pretty girl who comes by and knows you inside out and wants the entirety of you.
I am not speaking philosophically here. I have lived this life on both sides. I was a BOY for so long and when I became a MAN it was by my own actions. When my own family did not respect my wife, I chose my wife, because that is the way it should be (my father said that his wife was his wife for the rest of his life and that children leave the home) , When I see these reality shows when boys pretend to be men in their relationships expect their wives to be subjugated to their mother.. I do not understand how any woman could accept that.
I went thought the “baptism” by fire in learning what I now understand to be what a real relationship should be… 2 people who SHARE a life and each living their own dreams for their future goals and yet able to support each other in their daily lives.
I find it ironic in some ways that I know so much now about life, love sex and relationships, but I am often dismissed or scoffed at because of other factors unrelated to what it takes to be that Unicorn women claim to look for. Experience and a level of maturity that makes for a relationship should be more important to physical characteristics of the MAN just as woman want to be judged by more than their bodies I also wish to be accepted for the man I am with my successes and failures and scars from learning out in the open and easy to see.
Many people sleep walk though life. I have refused to do so. I have never stopped learning. Yet there are things I am behind on.. things that only fresh eyes and someone with new-found knowledge can share with me.
I bring the patience experience knowledge and understanding of a complicated world into any relationship. I know what it takes to make a commitment and make it work, what it is to support someone in their goals and desires while sharing a life together and what compromise is and most importantly not afraid of admitting I make mistakes and the wisdom to understand that when we cannot solve the problem we are facing that we are facing the wrong problem and working together to redefine that problem so we can find a solution that works for us both….
I return I have long sought a WOMAN who is transitioning from girl to Woman or who has crossed that threshold, one who has goals, desires, hopes ambitions, who has a social conscience, who understand or wants to understand the global society we live in, who is not a homebody but wants the adventure of life and what travel can bring into her own being and who is not satisfied in what she is but wants to be more and grow in her life.
A woman who not just wants a Unicorn in her life but who truly understands that a Unicorn is so much more than “good” in bed and loyal but is someone who supports he and enriches her life .
One day I hope that I will meet that woman. But I am not sure that she exists. That woman without the biases that so many woman carry … the false boundaries they establish as to what they say they want as to what they really want n their future. One day a woman will see my Unicorn value and will revel in what I bring.
I have loved deeply in my life and I have lost much. But I have never stopped living or hoping or trying to be more than what I am today each and every day. It is only because of my past that I am what I am today and are the keys to a better tomorrow! Because I have lived so much means there is more to share than most people in the world could ever imagine. Of this I am sure!
Post Note for Men:
Girls often spray some scent directly on them. A woman will choose a perfume as opposed to “Toilet Water” and will dab a bit on her writs and then rub both writs together and slightly up the inside of the forearm. She will then apply a very small about to her neck where it meets her shoulder and also the behind her lower earlobe. This is a very, very SMALL quantity. If she wished to be more intoxicating she will often have a “mister” and while in the bathroom will spray a light mist (a small amount) into the air in front of her and walk into that mist. It is acceptable and polite to compliment her on the perfume/scent she has used. Again, as in sex, a every woman’s chemistry will alter the scent of her perfume so indicating that it is delightful in some way on her will make her feel more special .
A Man who uses a GOOD cologne (AS with perfume it is more “oil” ) rubs a “small” amount into his hand and rubs his beard area and jaw line and then wipes off the remainder in the middle of his upper chest to get the minuscule excess moisture off his hands. The key is NOT to overpower but to have a subtle scent and the chest area can produce a little perspiration that will enhance the cologne at the right time. His nails need to be short (ask any woman why” clean, and filed with no “rough edges” and a bit of hand lotion to assure a smooth surface when touching or holding a woman. Scaly calluses can snag on certain fabrics and that is not good. and a fresh CLEAN and neat handkerchief is always a welcome article to have if your lady needs to dab at her eyes for whatever reason that they be .. shall we say “watering”(My father told me this was one of the true signs of a gentleman.. he was right)